Category: Faith & Doubt


Breaking News: CNN’s ticker blared, “US military ordering thousands more troops to southern border.” Unnamed officials confirmed that thousands of additional active-duty troops are being deployed to the southern US border with Mexico. The stated purpose: to support Homeland Security and Border Patrol operations. Speculation is swirling about whether this move ties into Texas’ construction of an 80-acre facility outside Eagle Pass, rumored to be a deportation or detention camp. Official confirmation on the facility’s purpose remains elusive.

In an NPR interview, Eagle Pass resident Jessie Fuentes criticized Texas Governor Greg Abbott for creating what she called his own immigration force and court system. “Why are we allowing this to happen? Why are we allowing our governor to become a dictator and authoritarian in enforcing immigration policy?” Fuentes asked.

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It was only a matter of time: The President issued a sweeping wave of commutations and a blanket pardon that absolved all the January 6 rioters, effectively undoing what many considered the most extensive criminal investigation in U.S. history. Defending his decision, Trump claimed the pardons were warranted, arguing that individuals committing violent crimes in other cities often go unpunished. He stated that he showed compassion to those whom authorities had improperly treated, insisting, “Their lives were destroyed.”

But what of the lives lost?

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Trump won a second term in the White House thanks, in part, to a spike in support across several demographic groups, including a record-breaking jump among Latino voters. An NBC News exit poll of voters in 10 states — including Arizona, Florida and Texas showed Trump captured 55% of the Latino male vote. It’s the first time the demographic has sided with a Republican in a presidential election. This happened despite Trump surrogates uttering anti-Latino jokes at rallies and despite Trump’s promises to not only deport undocumented immigrants but also to revoke birthright citizenship — a privilege more than a few rancho libertarians were blessed with. Maybe these voters slid toward machismo, misogyny, or aspirational whiteness. Maybe it’s stupidity.

November 5th is the day I stopped believing in America and my fellow citizens. Plain and simple. Period.

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E-Day +2

Election Day, plus 2. My anger and frustration remained high at noon. At noon today, I mentally exclaimed, “Fuck it. I am done.”

For fourteen years, I have poured my heart and energy into becoming not just a better person, but a pillar in my community. I have participated in food drives, organized free health clinics, supported cancer groups, and assisted countless patients at local hospitals. I fought tirelessly for vaccines, masks, and essential healthcare. I advocated for mental health and Alzheimer’s care, for the right to a meal, the end of book bans, religious freedom, and support for the marginalized. I championed education and women’s rights.

Election Day, plus 2, I ask myself: For what?

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The assassination attempt of former President Trump in Butler, PA., several days ago was appalling. No one should use a weapon to eliminate candidates. Also, no one should use the justice department to arrest their political opponents to win a presidential election. Gun violence in America is way out of control. However, witnessing Senator Tim Scott debasing himself on national television, calling Trump’s survival a gift from God, was equally appalling.

House Speaker Mike Johnson also opined, “GOD protected President Trump yesterday.” The Evangelical minister Franklin Graham told Fox News that “God’s hand of protection” was on Trump. Trump claimed in a fundraising email that “it was God alone who prevented the unthinkable from happening.” (Not so for Corey Comperatore, who was shot in the head while protecting his family in the grandstands.)

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The vehicle for my mother’s lease was ending, so the big task for February 12th was to visit the Honda dealer. After several hours of weighing the pros and cons, she purchased her current Civic HR-V. The night had already swallowed the remaining daylight, and we decided to have dinner at the International House of Pancakes (IHOP). After receiving our meal, we sat in the corner booth, and she asked for details about Light Chain Deposition Disease (LCDD). It wasn’t the conversation I thought about having at an IHOP over scrambled eggs, but I provided high-level information about LCDD, testing, and symptoms. “Well, hopefully, they’ll eradicate it from you this year.”

“Mom, I am terminal. It’s unclear when, maybe in 6 months or maybe ten years, but unless some miracle pops on the horizon, LCDD will likely end my life. Doctors hope to keep my body at its current level of dysfunction.”

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Television is a vast pornographic wasteland of scam health products. I received free samples of Balance of Nature, green seaweed tablets from Asia, and other supposed natural health items. Forbes reviewed Balance of Nature, noting that it has received warnings from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) of unverified health claims. I also received an article (and subsequent invitation) to attend a consultation with a Missouri practitioner who provides stem cells. I declined the offer after noting that state investigators once determined the clinician’s cell-based regenerative medicine diagnosed and treated bogus illnesses and repeatedly ordered unnecessary and excessive lab tests. However, the truth is I want to die. 

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Telling My Mother

Just before Christmas of 2023, I told my mother that I had a life-threatening disease with no known cure. I provided all the sordid details: how I did quite a bit of internet searching. Yeah, sure, I self-diagnosed myself with everything from work-related fatigue to amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, long-COVID, and finally, progressive supranuclear palsy. I researched close to twenty different diseases. But at the end of the day, the only thing that fits (at least for now) is Light Chain Deposition Disease (LCDD) or AL Amyloidosis. I took her through all the appointments, all the tests, and all my frustrations. I skipped the part about survival: from 1 month to 10 years. I mean, hell if I know.

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72 Days

November 13, 2023, seems like forever. [Between then and now] That’s 72 days. That’s two months and 11 days (seventy-two days) since my last post. The time variance seems like forever. Or, borrowing from David Whyte’s Heart Aroused, I turned my head for only a moment, and it appeared forever. I missed my Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve posts. It’s been a hectic 72 days. 

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Crazy

I spent several hours in the hospital yesterday. It wasn’t business; it was personal. Stomach and colon pain swallowed my life a little after noon. I could barely breathe, sit, lay down, or walk. Sweat rolled down my face and soaked my clothes. The strange part, I drove myself to the hospital. Afterward, I drove back home. I must be crazy.

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