July 5, 2020

“I know your suffering?”

“How can I make this pain pass my Lord?”

“Find things to do that the suffering worthwhile.”


May 18, 2020

My 88-year-old father had a stroke last night. May be bad. It might not be bad. My father has lived a long life and I am not afraid of his passing. Like so many others during this pandemic, he is alone, with no visitors.

My Prayer, “My Lord, can you be with him?”

“I am with all who suffer. I am with your father.”

Not a second later, “I will go and stay with him,” Ms. K. said.


May 13, 2020

During a silent prayer: Lord my body hurts. My fingers refuse to work right. I am tired. I feel alone.

“You are not alone. I am with you in every ache, in every failure, in every frustration, in every tear.”


May 9, 2020

Feeling my body, it is suffering. Feeling alone.

“You do not suffer in silence. I am with you in every ache; in every worry; and, in every tear.”


April 21, 2020

Meditating on my balcony, “I seek you all the time and miss your nearness.”

“I always with you.”

“How can I know?”

“Hear the butterfly that darts about? Feel the wind that blows against your neck. And listen to earth’s hum. I am in each, as I am with you.”

“How is it that you hear all these?”

“How is it that you do not?'”


April 19, 2020

I ache. I yearn for your touch.

“I know.’


April 18, 2020

In meditation, I returned to see Ms. K., only to realize I interrupted her sleeping with another. Surprised and not knowing what to say, I left.

Leaving, I heard Ms. K., “I’m sorry. Please Come back.”

Just like March 4 entry, I found myself standing upon the beach I originally expected to spend eternity. Sitting for a few moments, a man in a white robe stood to my right.

“Why are you here?” he said.

Looking to my right, “I’m sorry, I had no idea she was busy. I felt embarrassed. So, I returned here. I did not know where else to go.”

She asked me to come and get you.

Reaching out his hand.

Come.

The message is that, even though we will sometimes embarrass each other in heaven (and earth), each person remains precious. God will seek you out and rejoice when found.


March 4, 2020

Suddenly, I found myself standing near the beach I’ve seen so many times, a beach I expected to stay for eons. The water was calm, sand was peaceful.

“Why are you here?” she whispered.

Overlooking my right shoulder, I recognized Ms. K. through the mist. Smiling gently. “For some reason, I tried to find you and couldn’t. I felt lost. So, I returned here. I did not know where else to go.”

I told you that ‘You are welcome in my home.’ If you can’t find me, I will come and get you.

Reaching out with her hand.

Come with me.


February 8, 2020

Watching a television show Caribbean Life. I wonder if Ms. K. ever thought I was ‘worth’ enough?

“She knows your worth is dependent upon earthly riches,” God gently responded. “For she knows you are worthy. Likewise, all of heaven knows I claimed you worthy. Therefore, you are.”


February 7, 2020

Saying aloud to Ms. K., “There are times I thought of becoming a priest. Some days I wonder if life would have been better?”

“Then you would not have met me. I would not have met you. And not meeting would have been tragic.”


February 6, 2020

Praying while my surgery was performed and wishing I was not alone.

“You are not alone,” Ms. K.,” whispered.

She was there all along.


January 28, 2020

Like David in Psalm 71:9, I utter unto God, “Do not cast me off in the time of old age; do not forsake me when my strength fails.”

“I assure you. You shall not.”


January 19, 2020

Reflecting on news that there’s another tumor. Commenting to God that it appears I might be nearing the end of life.

“No. Only the end of this life.”


January 14, 2020

Lord, in all the world’s fighting and anger, how do You remain ‘true’ to us?

“Through the perseverance of my love.”

And in my daily struggles and my own battles, how can I keep going?

“Through the perseverance of my love.”


January 12, 2020

While visiting a church. I feel so little from the church.

“For most, I am not there.”

But how can I feel you? I am outcast from communion?

“Do I not meet you in meditation and prayer? Then how can you feel alone?”


January 1, 2020

After receiving less than great news from the doctor the day before. Thinking to myself . . . My father said people do not die alone. I wonder if that’s true?

“Yes,” He interrupted.

Smiling. Pondering. Maybe Ms. K. will really be there?

“Yes.”

Remaining in my self-absorption . . .

“So will I.”


December 31, 2019

“Breathe ‘in’ me and search my soul for all you need.”

Lord, what do I need?

“Everything.”


December 30, 2019

How do I not see my own sins and hide in shame?

“Don’t see sins from natural weakness. The real sin is indifference.”


December 30, 2019

How does one die right?

“When your last thought is love.”


December 30, 2019

Lord, I sit in these meetings and wonder why I’m here.

“I sit in the same meeting and wonder why too.“