Unknown Buddhist

From a perspective of ‘right speech,’ I give Romney a lot credit for pretty much holding to the higher ground.  Thus, when comparing Mr. Ryan with Mr. Romney, one appears to get the ‘good cop-bad cop’ routine. In rewinding Romney’s speech through my head last night, I remembered an email I recently read, “…he’s banking on Americans having total amnesia about 2001-2009, including failed wars and a multiple increase of the national debt.”

In truth, for a ‘speech of a lifetime,’ the policy portion was void of any detail. As listener, I found myself affirming the question that yes indeed I may not be better off than I was four years ago, but I certainly found no substance in how Mr. Romney and Ryan would actually make my life any better.

To that end, I found Romney’s speech more a checklist speech. Discuss family background. Check! Honor women. Check! Disparage the Chinese and Iran. Check! Check! Check! Check! But unless I feel asleep, we heard no plans for the country. There was almost no mention of his budget, tax, health care or Medicare plans.

To answer those magic questions, I visited the Romney-Ryan campaign site. So here’s a quick summary:

1. On Taxes: Mr. Romney supports a fundamental redesign of the existing U.S. tax system. Great. Every four years, some candidate throws out the gauntlet of redesigning the tax rate. Unfortunately, his website does not actually detail exactly how’s he’s going to do that nor how he would manage the subsequent mess of said redesign.
2. On Taxes: Repeal the Alternative Minimum Tax.  Tax Policy Center (TPC) reported the four major new tax cuts in the Ryan plan, including repealing the Alternative Minimum Tax, and repealing the tax increases in health reform would cost $4.6 trillion in lost federal revenue over the next ten years. All four revenue-losing measures would disproportionately benefit wealthy Americans. Romney fails to mention how his policies would replace the $4.6 trillion.
3. On China: As President, Mr. Romney will work to enforce stronger protections of our Intellectual Property in an effort to ensure proper renumeration for our technological accomplishments. This is nothing more than a sound bite. Every candidate says this. But to get an entire business community who rely upon cheap Asian labor to manufacture their products in supporting actual sanctions would be on par with the second coming of Christ.
4. On Spending: Governor Romney wants major cuts in spending, by a reform of Medicaid, wage alignments, federal workforce reductions and undertaking a major restructuring of government programs and services. Mr. Romney supports capping federal spending at 20% of GDP and wishes to pursue a Balanced Budget Amendment. Another sound bite. Sounds great. In truth, needs to be done. However, Romney’s fails to clarify his definition of ‘major.’ There are no details of what Romney would restructure, which federal workforce would be reduced.

Continuing the entitlement perspective for a moment, Ryan lambasted Obama for failing to act on a deficit-reduction plan that he himself helped to kill. He chided Democrats for seeking the same $716 billion in Medicare cuts he sought. And he admonished Obama for the nation’s credit rating, which was downgraded after a debt-ceiling standoff that he and other Republicans instigated.

Borrowing a quote from the movie “The American President,” all I’ve heard from Democrats and Republicans is “… two things and two things only: making you afraid of it and telling you who’s to blame for it.” In truth, while I can unequivocally state I dislike where America is at the moment, I still don’t know what Romney’s for, except to say he seems to be for winning and against Obama winning.

Damn … Where’s the beef?

If it’s clear to anyone, most Democrats and Republicans have vastly different visions about of America, but for Paul Ryan to openly critique Obama’s vision as “a government-planned life, where everything is free but us” pretty much insults everyone. And blaming Obama for an auto plant closing that occurred under the Bush administration was one of many pretty blatant lies.

But that’s the difficulty in politics; it is the listener who must spend endless hours vetting the parched words of hypocrisy.

What’s missing from both Democrats and Republicans, and most campaigns for that matter, is that right speech is truthful and life giving. It is caring, straight forward, peaceful, never vulgar or hypocritical. Would any man, of any good faith, be honored by either campaign? Probably not!

Right Speech has four aspects:

1. Not lying, but speaking the truth;
2. Avoiding rude and coarse words, but using gentle speech beneficial to the listener;
3. Not slandering, but promoting friendliness and unity; and
4. Avoiding frivolous speech, but saying only what is appropriate and beneficial.

An essay written by Thanissaro Bhikkhu stated right speech means speaking in a trustworthy manner. All of us need to be harmonious, comforting, and worthy. When one makes a practice of right speech, one’s words become a gift to others. In response, other people will start listening more to what you say and most are likely to respond in kind. This gives the speaker a sense of the power of actions. Thus, the way you act in the present moment does shape the world of your experience.

From a view point of the RNC crowd, Paul Ryan made a great speech. Many will dispute much of the points made, but what both Democrats and Republicans know is that the listener cannot adequately scrutinize content as its being delivered. A speech like the one given by Ryan gives the speaker an unchallenged platform to define the RNC party and his world.

Was Ryan’s speech a gift to all listening? Was the speech truthful, honest and unifying? Not on your life.

I have been meditating for over fifteen (15) years. So I have a lot of experience at it.

Over the course of the last year, I have been combining eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) with ‘Chöd’ (pronounced ‘Chuh’) meditation.  EMDR is a form of psychotherapy that was developed to resolve the development of trauma-related disorders caused by exposure to distressing, traumatizing, or negative life events, such as rape or military combat.

By combining Chöd and EMDR, I have successfully overcome various impediments of my daily life through loving kindness. Rather than struggling against the fragmented aspects of “Self,” this practice is of tremendous importance for me when I am under great duress and need a powerful method to retrieve my own sanity, awareness and wholeness.

The practice of Chöd is said to be an advanced skilful method that enables one to become free of clinging to false notions and beliefs regarding inherent existence of appearances and experiences and therefore of an individual self. Attachment and clinging to a self are forces that give rise to the defilements, which are the source of anguish and pain. Chöd is the practice that enables me to understand emptiness of all appearances that are fit to arise and therefore can be apprehended. It is an exceptional practice. By in truth, anyone can actually perform the Chöd meditation.

While performing Chöd, EMDR music allows me to enhance my brain’s ability to activate all of its areas and effectively allows the left-side of my brain to communicate with the right-side. By using this EMDR (Biolateral Music) and Chöd, I have resurrected an effective self-image, creative problem solving, confidence necessary to be assertive, the ability to regain full functioning after a troubling experience and freedom from unhealthy psychological defenses that impact how I can learn and interact meaningfully.

Check into Chöd. And if you have experienced trauma and need assistance, please see an EMDR therapist.

—————–  EMDR Resources  —————–

If you are in or near New York, David Grand is your go to person. If you are in the Midwest, Dr. Hsin-hsin Huang (David Grand’s protégé) is the best. Together, Mr. Grand and Dr. Huang have been successfully treating television, film and stage actors, professional athletes, business leaders, and survivors of profound traumas, including 9/11, Hurricanes, Earthquakes, Sexual Assault, eating disorders and Iraq/Afghanistan combat veterans. Believe it or not, treatment can be done in 12 or less sessions.

Both Dr. Huang and David Grand use EMDR BioLateral music to take advantage of auditory stimulation to produce left/right aural tones, i.e., bilateral stimulation as an alternative to eye movement.

A poor man, Depa, once found an enormously valuable jewel.

Being a person of little desire, and content with his small income,
Depa pondered to whom he should give the jewel.
He tried to think who was most in need and suddenly was inspired
to give the jewel to King Prasenajit. The king was astounded as
there were many poor and needy people, but Depa said, ‘O King,
it is you who is the poorest, because you lack contentment!’

~Nagarjuna’s Letter to a Friend~

When reflecting upon the story above, my answer’s pretty simple: I was ‘poor.’ Yes it’s true one can find the above story at the beginning of Buddhism for Busy People by David Michie, a book that takes you on an autobiographical journey into Tibetan Buddhism and its philosophies on the path to true fulfillment. But taking my readers on a path to true enlightenment has never been my targeted goal.

In truth, I will paraphrase the character Leo McGarry of The West Wing, adding a smidge of ‘Artistic Liberty:’

“Because I’m tired of it year after year after year after year having to choose between the lesser of who cares? Of trying to get myself excited about a hospital IT Director who can speak in complete sentences. Of setting the bar so low, I can hardly look at it.” 

For the most part, healthcare provides solid income, but rarely does one run across someone truly genuine. Most executive management watches dollars and cents like stockbrokers watching the DOW. Rare is that someone talks about the quality of patient care.

Over the years, there have been many buzz words: ‘innovative care,’ ‘patient empowerment’ and ‘leveraging wholeness.’  In truth, I have seen hospital management order employees to shred compromising patient records prior to audit, purposely falsify financial records and determine employee pay based upon city residence versus skill. I’ve seen a hospital with no morgue that stuffs the deceased into janitorial closets, compromised Information Technology Systems that any three year-old with a crayon could hack and doctors who couldn’t find an open wound with two hands and a flashlight.

After learning of my company’s acquisition several months ago, I stumbled upon the audiobook ‘Cutting through Fear,’ by Tsultrim Allione. The audiobook focuses upon the ‘Chöd’ meditation. Also known as “Cutting Through the Ego”this meditation releases what ancient Tibetans called “demons:” i.e., the fears, obsessions, illnesses, and hopes; the demons of addiction, compulsion, anger, and other difficult emotions. These can be faced and dissolved with this powerful meditation technique.

It is through meditation that I can release fear, my fear of being rich. Yes, some days are difficult, as any job change is. But now I live alive! And all of us need to live alive.

My Daddy’s Face

My father often presented himself as a very private, conservative, and quiet person, but with his friends and family, he was actually very open in thought and considerably verbose. In fact, sometimes we couldn’t get him to stop talking! He often repeated long monologues on his thoughts, beliefs, views, and feelings so often I had them memorized.

Because he was so silent with strangers, it always surprised me that he not only permitted, but encouraged my very public life. Since I moved to Los Angeles seven years ago, we seldom saw one another in person, but became closer than ever, because he religiously followed my 3-year-old blog, where I shared every single moment of my day with the entire world. Sometimes I feared he believed I was revealing too much, but the truth is, he was proud of every single decision I ever made, often telling me he was continually learning more about himself in my most raw and honest moments. Even when I announced that I would literally be baring myself to the world in the movie “Saving Face,” he shocked everyone not only by making it clear I had his full support, but that he was impressed with my bravery.

When I made that movie “Saving Face” in 2005, I learned the meaning behind this concept most Chinese families are familiar with as keeping up appearances – of maintaining a certain public demeanor and proper self image, even when you are suffering and in pain. My father spent his whole life saving his face and maintaining the most impeccable, disciplined, and powerful public image.

Everyone keeps telling me to be strong, not to cry, and hold it in – like my father would be right now in this situation – but the truth is, the most valuable lesson I ever learned from him was just a week ago, on his hospital bed, when he reached out for my hand, making it clear he needed me and did not want me to leave his side. I summoned a strength I never knew I possessed to help soothe him in his most painful moment. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry, and admit any weakness. He spent his entire life sacrificing his own desires, showing great strength and absorbing his own pain for the happiness of others. I had never seen my father so emotional – I’ll never forget how close that difficult moment made me feel to him, and honored that he finally revealed his vulnerability to me.

I spent a large portion of my life believing I couldn’t tell my family anything, literally stuffing my emotions down through food to “save face.” Even with professional help from eating disorders specialists, my body image battle continued for years. It wasn’t until I finally revealed to my parents, by being completely honest with them (and everyone else) through my food blog – that I wasn’t perfect and was able to finally heal. Just a few days before my father passed away, I was so honored to announce to him that I became the newest Celebrity Ambassador for the National Eating Disorders Association. Even in his condition, I understood how proud of me he was, and I asked him to fight just like I did, to be strong in the face of fear, to help me summon up all of his will and courage so I could continue speaking up and help change lives and families around the world, just like ours.

My father suffered a great deal those last two weeks. But during that time, he taught me more lessons about life without saying a word. I learned how to truly be humble, kind, generous, strong, independent, empathetic, patient, compassionate, courageous, hopeful, connected, thoughtful, present, and most of all, to truly understand the saying he embedded in me for as long as I can remember – “Don’t cut your standards to fit other people.” I always thought that represented pure strength and independence, but I see now it also indicates knowing your self worth, to ask for just that, and accept nothing less. And yet, at the same time, it also means knowing when to let go and say “enough,” despite what others may want or need from you.

I must admit that I doubted those lessons the evening he died. Although I was raised Catholic and my mother is very religious, I have never had a deep relationship with my spiritual side. The last few years have been especially troubling for me in testing my faith with life’s many struggles, and just before he passed, I spoke to him, privately asking him to teach me that all the hardships were going to be worth it. When I found out moments later his life had ended, I felt confused, angry, sad, and hopeless, believing that there really was no lesson, no meaning, no purpose.

But a few days ago, sitting in Church, asking for a sign from my father, and listening to the Deacon speak about strong women, I heard something familiar. It was the Deacon, and he had the same voice of the director of all my high school plays, someone who literally started my career as an actress. I took it to be a mere coincidence, but it turned out to actually be him! And as he hugged and comforted me in my greatest moment of despair, I felt the presence of my father, and the profound faith that his lifelong struggle really HAD all been worth it. I sense he is now somewhere far greater than any of the places he believed would bring him peace during retirement – like the homes in California and Philadelphia that he worked so hard to purchase but never got the chance to experience. I sense he was teaching his family in the last few weeks the most important lessons we’ll ever learn to carry on and live happily, but we have to let him go peacefully to his final retirement, so that he can enjoy his lifelong sacrifice as well.

Even in his physical absence, I trust that he will guide me through my life by holding my spirit as I continually learn this balance and face even more challenges. I feel so blessed knowing I had a father I could be myself with – flaws and all – who truly loved, accepted, and was proud of me. I hope you can see now just how loved, accepted, and proud we all were of you, Daddy. You will never, ever be forgotten.