Unknown Buddhist

In the wake of the Newtown tragedy, we are left wondering of the nature of God. ‘Theodicy,’ that is one’s attempt to justify God’s goodness despite the existence of evil and suffering, is often personal.  And if we are going to bear arms, as some pastors and lawmakers suggest, then he who bears should be willing to step deep into the level of Theodicy, and more so, into the depth of pain and anguish of children left untreated for decades.

If we are going to solve the problem of random gun violence, or any violence for that matter, then we must prevent our personal past from becoming the future. By not doing so only further wounds the heart and creates one less reason to live.

A word of warning – the road is painful.

This writing is very personal for me. As a Buddhist, I believe whatever received must be shared. Yet my story and the personal nature of Theodicy in and of itself remains a silent memorial – only in my heart. The story is difficult to share and extremely difficult for those with similar experiences as well.

Almost 45 years ago, at the age of eight (8), I was raped.

I was spread-eagle on my bed, each limb tied to one bed post. Never shall I forget the rope, tied against each wrist and each ankle. Its course rough thread itched as each limb was pulled taught. Unable to escape, no way to move, I could only look unto the heavens and pray for a God that simply never came.

Never shall I forget the stripping of clothes. The rapist was methodical, almost with expert precision, and was able to rip, cut and shred with ease. The cold scissors ran inside my thigh and with symmetry of a surgeon my undergarments were quickly discarded.

For the first time in my life I laid bare. Looking back, I’m still amazed at the coolness of the afternoon air as it rolled over my body. The breath of my rapist heated me and I felt the heat of each exhale, each drip of perspiration. Slow waas he, inhaling and exhaling.

Never shall I ever forget the laughter, as I was outlined head to toe – once by a finger, another by a feather and another by tongue. I was teased and tasted.

His first taste was of the foreskin as his tongue rolled over and around. Lips then surrounded my glans, sucking and biting while laughing as my testis rolled through his fingers. His tongue separated my meatus and I felt saliva entering my urethra. In some perverted way our fluids have been forever intertwined.

Nocturnal silence haunts me still. At the age of eight (8) I was transformed and consumed, inwardly burned and internally seared by a branding iron.

God never came. And I have been looking for an answer ever since.

Fast forward 45 years … My attacker is considered a Catholic man of honor, with a family and grandchildren of his own. He succeeded, becoming a well-known business man. As for me, my soul was murdered and I fell into a silent abyss, becoming a stranger, an observer … both insignificant and invisible, nothing more.

In today’s world, we hear thousands like this child cry. But millions of other voices remain silent to the world never.

The lessons to learn from the Newtown tragedy have no easy answers nor easily resolved.  It requires both some form of gun control, but also requires each of us to assess and change how we treat each other. Part of the answers and many of life’s problems can only be found from within and comes from treating each other in decency and love. We must be willing to transcend the deepest corners of our children’s lives and find the heart and soul. If we do not, many of the insignificant and invisible will arise, usually in places we care not to see.

The very act of agape love requires all of us to stop the pain of loneliness and issolation. No gun or control law will assist with that.

As we slowly digest the trauma of this past week’s events in Connecticut, all of us are brought to the table with some deep burdensome questions. Why is it we are the way we?  Why?

Outside of Connecticut, The Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence reported that since 2005, there has been a multiple-victim shooting every 5.9 days in the United States, with 87 people dying of bullet wounds each day. And just today, 210 people across the country have been shot.

Accordingly, the most dangerous city for mass shootings is Chicago, the organization said, which has suffered through 17 shootings and resulting in 30 deaths and 72 injuries. Of those shootings, thirteen occurred in public places.

Fareed Zakaria in his CNN article, ‘Time to Face Facts on Gun Control, basically calls it as it is:

“We have 5 percent of the world’s population and 50 percent of the guns.

But the sheer number of guns isn’t an isolated statistic. The data shows we compare badly on fatalities, too. The U.S has three gun homicides per 100,000 people. That’s four times as many as Switzerland, ten times as many as India, 20 times as many as Australia and England.

Whatever you think of gun rights and gun control, the numbers don’t flatter America.”

Additionally, outside of prayer, many Respect Life Apostolate offices within the Catholic Archdiocese is silent. In such events and the message often appears dated to life’s day-to-day pressures. In fact one local chapter’s last ‘blog/website’ message was dated November 5^th, requesting prayer about the November 6^th election.

Still, much of the clergy is like that of Pastor Rocky Veach, whose church has 75 members.

“In times like these, there’s no really good answer. Words really don’t express enough. Our approach is just that you have to show people love. You have to be there for them and be understanding, even though nobody besides the victims can really understand what they are going through.“

In light of the fact we are a gun toting God fearing country, with respect to the guns we own, is prayer, condolences and thoughts the best we can do? The weekly television show, Meet the Press wanted to find out.

In the wake of the Newtown, Connecticut shootings, most pro-gun rights politicians have gone underground. NBC’s Meet the Press reportedly invited the 31 senators, Republican and Democrat, who openly oppose stricter gun control laws to appear on the program. However, none accepted.

Well, there is one exception: Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas) told Fox News Sunday that he believed more guns are the answer to violence in schools. “I wish to god she had had an M4 in her office,” he said of Sandy Hook Elementary School principal Dawn Hochsprung, who was killed in the shooting.

Seriously Representative Gohmert …. Is this the best we can do?

In the calm cool morning of Newtown, Connecticut, a lone gunman killed 27 people, many children.

In the wake of the most recent gun violence, I watched President Obama speak and thought about his words:

“As a country, we have been through this too many times.  Whether it’s an elementary school in Newtown, or a shopping mall in Oregon, or a temple in Wisconsin, or a movie theater in Aurora, or a street corner in Chicago — these neighborhoods are our neighborhoods, and these children are our children.  And we’re going to have to come together and take meaningful action to prevent more tragedies like this, regardless of the politics.

Then I read an NBC news report:

The weapons used in the attack were legally purchased and were registered to the gunman’s mother, two law enforcement officials said. Two 9mm handguns were recovered inside the school. An AR-15-type rifle also was found at the scene, but there were conflicting reports Friday night whether it had been used in the shooting. 

Of the recent shootings President Obama quoted, I have always seen several key reports.  First was the shooter mentally ill? Secondly, were the guns used in the shooting spree legally purchased? As if the shooting has lessor impact if the weapons were ‘legally’ purchased. And third, the best any of us can seem to offer prayer, as the Vatican parsed in their statement:

“The Holy Father was promptly informed of the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown and he has asked me to convey his heartfelt grief and the assurance of this closeness in prayer to the victims and their families, and to all affected by the shocking event. In the aftermath of this senseless tragedy he asks God, our Father, to console all those who mourn and to sustain the entire community with the spiritual strength which triumphs over violence by the power of forgiveness, hope and reconciling love.”

So in response to all this, I can only state, “What a crock of bullshit.”  And to America, I openly ask, “Is this the best we can do? Spiritual strength will triumph over violence by the power of forgiveness? This is seriously the best we can offer these families? This is the best we can offer any family?”

According to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (PDF), more than 58,000 gun shops in this country while there are fewer than 20,000 Starbucks world-wide. Think about that America. There are 38,000 more gun shops in America than Starbucks world-wide?

And the best we can do is offer prayer to the afflicted … to the great Lord our God … who overcomes all with love? While we do nothing?

Last time I checked, America is composed of those who engineered the ability to walk on the moon, successfully combated several forms of cancer, perform heart transplants, feed the poor, donate to hurricane and earthquake victims.  We have the capability to create weapons of mass-destruction, to build beautifully aesthetic buildings, put GPS on a phone, created the toilet, toaster, Twinkies, automobiles, air conditioning, clean water, toothbrush, Scope, antiperspirants, Microsoft and Apple products, chocolate, artificial heart, ATM, atomic weapons, Band-Aids, baseball, football, beds, beer, bifocals, paper towels, toilet paper, pasteurization, PayPal, Penicillin, coke and diet coke, gasoline, electricity, heaters, cameras, microprocessors, etc.

Yet when it comes to some form of gun control, the best we can say is, “… console all those who mourn and to sustain the entire community with the spiritual strength which triumphs over violence by the power of forgiveness, hope and reconciling love.”

I’m not claiming to revoke one’s right to bear arms. But can we not do something more?

At this time year, the Ghost of Christmas Present will visit many. Beware of his words:

They are Man’s,’ said the Spirit, looking down upon them. ‘And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom.

We are so Ignorant! Is this really the best we can do?