Tag Archive: Grace


In the past several years, I’ve only told two people of visits from Ms. K: my case manager and a close friend. And thus far, I’ve only mentioned my Parkinson’s diagnosis to the readers of this blog and my therapist. Although I’ve dropped a few bread crumbs in my blog about my identity, I’ve kept my identity hidden and don’t fear exposure from my readers.

I have to admit; after Parkinson’s diagnosis, there were several occasions when I thought Ms. K. was nothing a delusion; for, as you may know, about 20% of Parkinson’s patients develop some form of hallucination. Delusions can lead to jealousy, persecution, aggression, and can pose safety risks to family members or caregivers. I will state that I have not experienced any such delusion. 

Allow me to explain. 

Ms. K. never told me to hurt someone, jump from a cliff, told me ‘they’ (whoever ‘they’ might be) were after me. Additionally, I’ve neither become upset, distraught, nor combative about her presence. She never appears during the day, does not appear daily, and doesn’t bug me when I’m alone. 

In fact, Ms. K. has only selectively appeared during meditation. Initially, she graced me with her presence in 2014. Inbetween 2014 and 2019, she never visited. 

In 2019, she reappeared (see Landing Zones). During the time she’s appeared, she’s said my time was limited, treated me like a friend, and said she would meet me when I die. That’s it.

Turns out, Ms. K. is a friend. She’s the friend I wish I had four decades ago and remains true to the values lived in life.

Ms. K. has never exalted herself and never fashioned something she could be proud of. Additionally, she’s never left God out of the picture and has never assisted me in building a monument unto myself. Lastly, she’s never let me live in pride. She pretty much tells me as it is. I can be right, I can be wrong, but I always receive her best. Lastly, her faith is Christlike and is based in love, and bathed in the belief she has in me and is not dependent upon some old rules.

A good friend has integrity, even when the bottom falls out. Although she never discussed the pain of her cancer battle, I envision she remained faithful to the end. She never compromised. And instead of finding why, she only embraced God knowing that He only would make the difference.

Right, Ms. K. is the true display of God’s awesome power and a reminder of God’s presence. There’s no lightning. No whirlwind. No voice from a burning bush. There’s just a voice of reason, a presence of commitment, and a bottomless bucket of grace, despite everything I’ve done. 

In the end, Ms. K.’s no illusion – she’s an actual presence of love. It’s that very presence God wishes us all to have.

That, my readers, is no delusion. It’s a friend.

healthcaregov_logoExperts from Google and other prominent technology companies are joining a so-called “tech surge” to fix the struggling HealthCare.gov website. The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services said the surge includes “dozens” of people with expertise in the site’s key issues: reliability, stability, and large-scale operations.

Besides government employees, the surge includes employees from Google (GOOG, Fortune 500), as well as employees of software giants Red Hat (RHT) and Oracle (ORCL, Fortune 500). The funny part … the tech giants HealthCare.gov are using are the very companies the National Security Administration spied upon.

Talk about irony!

The current NSA spy-gate is the epitome of how America turned on itself through fear; former ironclad moral concepts became open to debate and off-centered partisan positions.  Somewhere between terrorists attacking and media spun paranoia, we learned the wrong lessons and we’ll be suffering the consequences for decades.

America has become so bad and fear ridden that we seem to have lost our humor and the ability to see ample colors of beauty in each and every person. Therefore, unless you’re a conservative pundit, one must be a willing participant in the lame-stream media. Reinforced theology of hatred pour though our politics, served right onto palate where each of us unknowingly sips from the cup bigotry.

As Captain America ironically professed, “This Isn’t Freedom. This is Fear.” 

In a world of instant soup, instant access, instant internet and instant response, we’ve become fearful of a national healthcare policy. There is no instant healthcare. And many people with some very strange thoughts now claim that they alone can lead the masses unto the “promised land.” As the fictional President Andrew Shepard would say, “… They are interested in two things and two things only: a) making you afraid of it; and b) telling you who’s responsible.” These leaders are raised in partanship and hatred … nothing more, nothing less. Oftentimes, they are delusional at best.

From a Buddhist perspective, our experience of the world is only distorted and messed up because it is reflected in the messed up mirrors presented to us. To me, that definition meets both the current spy-gate and fear of HealthCare.gov. Our delusions see things in fear that aren’t really there. But we get taken in by the delusion. And even though it’s the same thing – they are reflecting something not there and then believing it IS there.

When we don’t like someone, they’re just bad. Hatred apprehends other people to be bad from their own side. So all of us become intrinsically bad. But of course there is no such thing as an intrinsically bad person.

In the case of healthcare, the Obama administration must ask from those upon whom we have spied upon. It’s funny how God puts one in a place to ask of our enemy for thing we need the most.

Grace and forgiveness.

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