Television is a vast pornographic wasteland of scam health products. I received free samples of Balance of Nature, green seaweed tablets from Asia, and other supposed natural health items. Forbes reviewed Balance of Nature, noting that it has received warnings from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) of unverified health claims. I also received an article (and subsequent invitation) to attend a consultation with a Missouri practitioner who provides stem cells. I declined the offer after noting that state investigators once determined the clinician’s cell-based regenerative medicine diagnosed and treated bogus illnesses and repeatedly ordered unnecessary and excessive lab tests. However, the truth is I want to die.
There are a thousand ways of not dying. As an employee walking the hospital floors, I admire the vast technological advancements used to preserve patients’ lives. As a patient with a terminal disease, the use of it terrifies me. Eventually, though, all of the dying (including you and I) will stop attempting to control our death. Control ends when the patient succumbs to a lack of energy or doesn’t give-a-shit. The employee part of me has talked with numerous patients who hope that they die well, as in being wholly lucid and dying purposely. Others wish to die, like actor Carl Weathers, who died peacefully in his sleep. However, the chances of either happening are incredibly minuscule.
Dying in our time and place means becoming incredibly able, wise, and mentally thoughtful. It would be a significant achievement. Of all the deaths I have seen, in the end, almost everyone is not lucid. Rationale and wisdom were split from soul and man long ago. A few do occur. But, there is no universally accepted explanation for why some people report moments of clarity and heightened awareness as they approach death. Several theories may contribute to this phenomenon, including oxygen levels, the release of endorphins and neurotransmitters, spiritual beliefs, etc. The sad truth is that technological sophistication obliges one to live, but that’s not what I want. I want to die.
Honestly, the sheer cumulative effect of having to keep being who I became, the patient with a terminal disease, the employee who resolves and maintains hospital systems, has me saying, “For god’s sake, enough already.” When I tell someone that I am dying, the oft-used response is, “Don’t be negative.” When I say to someone, “I want to die,” the response is significantly different, “You’re depressed.” The comical and contradictory response is nuts: the dying patient who finally wishes to die is somehow depressed. Upon hearing that, a clinician will roll out various forms of tranquilizers to combat the depression. As a result, the dying patient is still dying, but at least those surrounding the patient will feel better that you’re happier.
As I said before, I’ll be happier without Chemotherapy. I don’t want it. As I said to one friend recently, I take the attitude of the fictional character Jack Reacher. “You live, and you die.” Reacher’s matter-of-fact and stoic demeanor characterizes his approach to death and, strangely, shares some similarities with certain aspects of how Buddhists approach death and impermanence.
- Acceptance of Impermanence: Buddhists emphasize accepting the impermanence of life and the inevitability of death. Reacher’s pragmatic attitude toward death reflects an acknowledgment of life’s impermanence. He doesn’t dwell on the fear or emotional distress associated with death, similar to how Buddhists strive to come to terms with the transitory nature of existence.
- Emotion Regulation: Both Reachers and Buddhists aim to regulate their emotions when facing challenging situations or the prospect of death. Reacher’s stoic and composed demeanor is reminiscent of the Buddhist practice of cultivating emotional stability and not being overwhelmed by strong emotions.
- Focus on the Present Moment: Buddhism encourages individuals to live in the present moment and not be overly attached to the past or anxious about the future. Reacher’s ability to stay calm under pressure and make rational decisions suggests a strong presence of mind and a focus on the immediate circumstances, which aligns with the Buddhist notion of mindfulness.
- Self-Reliance and Detachment: Reacher’s self-reliance and emotional detachment align with Buddhist principles, such as non-attachment and self-reliance. Buddhists seek to minimize attachments to worldly possessions and relationships, and Reacher’s solitary and self-sufficient lifestyle reflects a form of detachment from the trappings of conventional life.
“Well, that’s not very Christian,” my friend responded. So, let me clarify; here are some general themes and moral values in Reacher’s character and the stories that I believe have similarities with certain Christian principles:
- Moral Code: Jack Reacher operates based on his strong sense of justice and ethical code. While his code may not align precisely with Christian teachings, it reflects a commitment to doing what he perceives as correct and just, a fundamental aspect of many ethical and religious belief systems, including Christianity.
- Protection of the Vulnerable: Reacher often takes it upon himself to protect and defend those who are vulnerable or oppressed, which resonates with the Christian notion of caring for the least among us and helping those in need.
- Redemption: Reacher encounters characters who have made mistakes or have a troubled past. He occasionally offers them a chance at redemption or a fresh start, which echoes Christian themes of forgiveness and second chances.
- Self-Sacrifice: Reacher is willing to put himself in harm’s way to protect others or to ensure justice is served. While this is not unique to Christianity, the willingness to sacrifice oneself for the greater good is a theme in many Christian stories, such as the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
- Resilience and Perseverance: Reacher’s resilience and ability to persevere in the face of danger and adversity reflect qualities such as faith and hope, which are essential in Christian beliefs.
Like many terminal patients, I am physically and mentally exhausted. I don’t want pills, stem cells, or technology. There are countless days I wish to sleep and not wake up. However, despite all my wrongs, I keep waking up. As such, I will choose to continue doing something of value.