Ted Cruz had a ‘cow.’ Again. m the Dad of two young daughters,” During a recent appearance on a conservative podcast, Ted, ‘Get out of Texas,’ Cruz,’ waded into the waters of controversy over a “child-like crayon drawing” map that may be or may not be an endorsement of some weird controversial “nine-dash line,” depending on whom you ask. And fuzz face isn’t the only one. The Vietnamese government banned the release of Barbie. The Chinese government and the Philippines killed Barbie as well. But back to Barbie for a moment.

Attacking a film like Barbie isn’t new. In 2021, Cruz accused Big Bird (Sesame Street) of promoting government propaganda. Cruz once claimed Disney would eventually show “Mickey and Pluto going at it” and got so fixated on some anti-racist children’s books that he fueled sales. And, of course, he launched an investigation into Bud Light over a can of beer earlier this year, as in one can of beer. 

To this, Christ said, “What the hell?” and provided commentary.

America made it through World War I and World War II. In 2003, Angeles in America, a modern-American epic set amid the mounting AIDS crisis of the Reagan era, and guess what? Americans handled it reasonably well. America also survived Brokeback Mountain, A Room in Rome, Carol, God’s Pwn Country, Moonlight, Pain and Glory. And through it all, not too much excessive wailing and gnashing of teeth.

U.S. citizens survive sex scenes in Titanic, 9 1/2 Weeks, Blue Valentine, Secretary, Fifty Shades of Grey, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Saving Face, Unfaithful, Skyfall, Eyes Wide Shut, Troy, Romeo and Juliet (1996), Legends of the Fall, Love & Other Drugs, Boys Don’t Cry, Moonlight, Pretty Woman, and Ghost. 

Yet, Christ continues, “You cannot survive Barbie?” and shakes His head in bewilderment.

In the last fifty years, America’s medical advances have been significant. New antibiotics demonstrated a dramatic decline in death rates and severe illness. We irradicated Smallpox, discovered significant advances in Molecular Biology, created advanced HIV/AIDS treatments, found the key to stem biology and therapy, Decreased the Number of Deaths from Heart Disease, detected new targeted cancer treatments, advanced trauma procedures, formulated a way to cure Diabetes-C, developed function MRI, created the Messenger RNA (mRNA) vaccine, and completely sequenced the human genome. 

And Christ repeats, “You cannot survive the Barbie film?” Christ languishes on.

America persevered through 9/11, the invasion of Iraq, made a significant dent in Al Qaeda, cried through the death of Pope John Paul II, accepted the iPhone, survived the 2008 Great Recession, watched Barack Obama’s election, prayed through Japan and Indian Ocean tsunamis, enrolled in Facebook, and suffered through the Trump Presidency. We survived countless tornados, floods, hurricanes, and earthquakes.

Christ continues.

You sent the Deep Impact spacecraft to a comet. The spacecraft Messenger entered Mercury’s orbit, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 reached interstellar space, Curiosity landed on Mars, the Kepler telescope identified exoplanets, New Horizons spacecraft zipped by Pluto, space scientists found Oumuamua, and released the first-ever image of a black hole.

And Christ’s final question to all. 

Dear children. If you people can survive all that listed above, but can’t tolerrate a Barbie film and a single pride-themed Bud Light can; If you can do all these things, but cannot accept the least among you, then what are you?