Pentagon’s Briefing – “Yup, We Sent a Message”

General Fearless:As, President Trump indicated, a combined operation with the armed forces of France and the United Kingdom launched precision strikes on targets associated with the chemical weapons capabilities of Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad.  We thank them both.

One year ago, Assad launched a savage chemical weapons attack against his own innocent people.  The United States responded with 58 missile strikes that destroyed 20 percent of the Syrian Air Force. Probably more like 50%. It was something like the world has never seen before. As Bernie Sanders would say, ‘It was yuge.’

Last Saturday, the Assad regime deployed chemical weapons to slaughter innocent civilians — this time, in the town of Douma, near the Syrian capital of Damascus.  This massacre was a significant escalation in a pattern of chemical weapons use by that very terrible regime. The evil and the despicable attack left mothers and fathers, infants and children, thrashing in pain and gasping for air.  These are not the actions of a man; they are crimes of a monster instead.

I can assure you we took every measure and precaution to strike only what we targeted and –– and we successfully hit every target and believe we have significantly cripple Assad’s capability to use chemical weapons in the future.

Now, I’ll take a few questions.”

Fake News Reporter:General, how did you assess success?

General Fearless:Let me show a graphic just received.

In these before and after photos, you can tell we struck an already previously destroyed target. If you look really close, through a microscope, you’ll see part of the roof in the ‘Before” photo may have been moved to the right in the ‘After’ photo.”

 Fake News Reporter:General, these pictures don’t show any differences?

General Fearless:Well, we struck at night to purposely limit damage against the enemy and reduce loss of life.

Fake News Reporter:Huh? I’m sorry General, that makes no sense.”

General Fearless:Look, someone was having a bad yesterday and throwing temper-tantrums. There wasn’t an 18-wheeler available to climb into and pretend to be a trucker. So, we let him play with over $100 million in missiles.”

Fake News Reporter:One last question General. Washington Post Reporter Jasmine El-Gamal recently wrote that Assad has been associated with words such as “monster,” “vicious” and “unacceptable” are being recycled in news statements and interviews. Given the unfathomable suffering that has beset the Syrian people at the hands of Assad, the unwillingness of the international community to threaten action unless the Islamic State (ISIS) or chemical weapons are involved, one element is noticeably and consistently absent: Syria’s civilians, who for the past several years have lived in a terrifying hell on Earth, often unable to leave their houses. Syrian Network for Human Rights estimated that the Assad regime had dropped nearly 70,000-barrel bombs since July 2012 — and sometimes forced people to watch as children slowly starved to death.

Am I correct in saying that the United States and their Allies are not ok with chemical weapons but ok with everything else?”

General Fearless:Yup, but we sent Assad a message.”



Categories: Life Lessons, Social Justice

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