Seems strange: being on a Buddhist diet leads to suffering.  Think about it … the point of Buddhism is to end suffering, yet here I sit, at 1:52 PM Eastern, listening to my innards gurgled as though I came from an ‘Aliens’ movie.

Unbeknown to most, I took up eating an almost authentic Buddhist Diet upon embarking on this journey.  And to put it bluntly, the first three days were hell. After that, I made it through most days with occasional hunger pain here and there. Still, I tackle weight loss honorable, albeit, even if at times, somewhat unsuccessful.  I can’t say that I’ve had profound suffering. But I can say that I ravaged and entire Pizza Hut Pepperoni Pizza about a week ago. And was it good? Oh God yes! Fantastic. Loved it.

On a funny note, the Buddha found the solution to life’s persistent problems, including weight-related ones, is available right now and can be summed up in two simple words: look within. Personally, I looked within, further in and out. At the end of the day, what I truly found helpful for me was to clean out the dam frig, expunging all things bad and ugly. That’s right, I actually had to get rid of all the ice cream, frozen foods and peanut butter.  I even had to get rid of the potato chips.

For those in the dark, potato chips, especially Kettle Chips (KC), is my greatest friend. Whenever I was down and out, KC was there. KC and I live a sordid life of friendship and love.  Together we commiserated through a spouse’s depression, found peace after my accident, learned to re-walk, cried through the Cubs 2003 historic fold, taught my cat to understand ‘No’ and was very helpful in spinach and chip sandwiches.

Unfortunately, neither the cat nor the spinach sandwich was successful. But hey, in there interest of human progress I forged onward. I learned the two common toaster settings: burnt and not on. I thought about the ways of extracting the real lemon in Pledge … just to taste and curse at the Dairy Queen as I drove past.

Maybe I became a vegetarian because I was bad hunter. And that’s why my cat sometimes brings me half a mouse. I know he’s doing the ‘manly’ thing, sharing his prey with the family unit. But there’s little about a dead mouse that appears …. ah … satisfying. So while I think he loves me in some way, I also see him sleeping next to the barbecue grill lighter fluid. I liken this as a symbolic gesture of former days, when man and beast shared prey and licked themselves dry.

So onward Mr. Buddha I trudge. Onward to the goal of living well and doing myself no harm. In truth, I honestly have no clue how Buddha would live in our fast food, processed meal world.  But from personal perspective, one of the main principles of Buddhism is moderation. So I would say anything in moderation is fine but you have to try to maintain the balance.

Thus, I leave my weight loss (thus far) for your humor and enjoyment. As for the cat … he bows to the grill.