Some Missourians claim that after departing the state for better waters, one eventually returns ‘Home’ to the ‘Show Me State.’ (We’ll ignore the fact that Missouri’s statehood originated from the 1820 Missouri Compromise that allowed slavery.) After listening to friends describe the wonders of their home state, I neither lingered nor mixed words. “Well, St. Louis has an arch and a muddy river.” What originated as a ‘do the one-year of hell and get promoted’ turned into ten-years. However, one form of Missouri entertainment remains unique: Politics.

So, let’s recap the Show Me State 2022 Primary Elections. Eric Schmitt won the Missouri GOP primary for the state’s U.S. Senate race. This was not unexpected. In true God loving fashion, Schmitt stressed issues that are most important to voters: Stopping election fraud <scratch that> Well, give the appearance of stopping election fraud (there’s neither been fraud in Missouri’s nor America’s electoral process), securing the border <scratch that> give the appearance of securing the border (Missouri borders Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee, Kentucky and Illinois), ban critical race theory <scratch that> appear to ban critical race theory or ‘CRT’ (per Governor Parson, CRT is not taught in most schools), and keeping men out of girls’ sports <scratch that> appear to keep men out of girls’ sports (only 7 seven trans players applied to play in women’s sports during the last decade). Schmitt dove deep into the creep factor on the last issue, ‘men‘ playing with ‘girls.’ Get it? Adult men playing with girls? That was a purposeful political ad trigger. Ok. Let’s move on. As the state’s Attorney General, Schmitt received cynical responses to costly, losing lawsuits against targets ranging from Missouri school districts (for COVID), the Communist Party of China for it’s “… role in the COVID-19 pandemic.”

Schmitt’s political candidate hails from the land of the golden brew, i.e., the Busch family. Trudy Busch Valentine is a heir to the Annheuser-Busch fortune. As writer Jim swift noted, Busch Valentine has a s**t load (my term, not his) of money but little to no accomplishments. Throughout her campaign, Valentine claimed that working as a nurse and experiencing immense grief from tragedies taught her how to listen to people’s needs and to be of service. Great, Ms. Valentine. But what about God, CRT, creepy men playing with girls thingy, and guns? Though gun control might be a pickle.

Remember, Missouri enacted the Second Amendment Preservation Act (SAPA) that prohibits state agencies from helping the federal government enforce any law, rule or regulation which Missouri considers an infringement on the right to bear arms. If you don’t assist the federal government, you might get charged with a federal crime. If you assist the federal government, you might be fined $50,000. Gun monitoring programs or red-flag laws cannot yet be implemented by state law enforcement because the SAPA, which bars local law officials from enforcing federal gun policy and could fine them for doing so. Tragedies in Uvalde, Texas, and Buffalo, New York, renewed outrage over the country’s gun laws and led enough senators to cross party lines and pass the new gun legislation. Missouri’s outgoing Senator Roy Blunt voted for it while junior Senator Josh ‘Fist Pumper’ Hawley did not. In the meantime, Missouri ranks fourth nationwide for its firearm death rate.

This leaves Representative Cori Bush of Missouri’s 1st District (no not related to the Busch family). Cori Bush is a Bernie Sanders acolyte. Basically, voters were left with two choices: Either Steve Roberts, Jr., who was twice accused of sexual assault, or endorse Bush, who wants to defund the Pentagon, the police, seeking free public education and stands with striking Boeing employees. Ms. Bush also camped out (literally) on the capital steps to represent what homelessness would be like if COVID relief funds ended and was arrested during a post Roe v. Wade protest. (That worked. Didn’t it?) As Bush noted, she was a ‘Politivist,’ meaning she merges life as an activist with responsibilities as a politician.

The word ‘Politivist’ links most Missouri politicians. To some degree, many politicians are Politivists and seek attention (as opposed to producing anything of value). In reality, most Missourians I’ve chatted with don’t care about defunding the police, CRT that does not exist, or protecting a border 1,297 miles away. And, the only illegal immigrants getting to Missouri are the ones Texas Governor Greg Abbott Greyhounds. (There is the minor detail of farmers across America who need same said immigrants to pick crops. But let’s skip that for now.). Instead, consituents want to know how you’re going to make their life better. They want to know, or will eventually want know, how to afford health care for a family member with dementia; how their children will fare during the onslaught of climate crisis in fifteen years; or how they can afford home ownership (which escapes many now). They want to know when their roads will get repaired, why pharmaceuticals cost so much, how to put groceries on the table, and how to walk the streets without getting shot, robbed, or pummeled by some some racist. (Maybe like a previous President).

Sadly, Missouri is not alone. Trumper Thumpers in Arizona’s GOP primary were elected. They will ensure that the big lie will live another day. Arizona GOP candidate Kari Lake has been enthisiastic in parroting Trump’s false claims about widespread election fraud. She made vague allegations about having detected fraud in the balloting but declined to offer any evidence when challenged. Georgia has their version of Trumper Thumpers. According to Vanity Fair, Herschel Walker’s own campaign staff claims Walker is a “pathological liar” who lies “like he’s breathing.” Pannsylvannia GOP candidate Doug Mastriano embraced the right-to-life sentiment with no exceptions, spread conspiracy theories about the 2020 election, and was outside the U.S. Capitol during the Jan. 6 insurrection <scratch that> tourism visit. Each of these candidates are inspirational.

Unfortunately, politicians defecated all over the true meaning of Christianity. Thus, finding the middle ground for the greater good will remain unachievable. So, a toast to Missouri. Congratulations. What a stellar cast of electoral characters you’ve selected.

In the end, I predict the Just Expect Shit state November winners will be Schmitt and Bush (No, not Busch). And the rest of you? Well, you get to clean the mess.