The First Year Was Hell

121210084313-sot-australia-djs-interview-00005001-t1-mainAfter reading Tim Lister’s recent CNN article, “Nurse death sparks outrage, casts glare on ‘shock jocks,’” I find myself sympathetically supporting former Australian DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian of 2DayFM. Having had a spouse who attempted suicide and having used technology in an abhorrent way, I too failed to “… understand the potential consequences” of my own actions:

But first and foremost, it’s important to remember that suicide is complex and is usually never the result of one single event.  Other risk factors for suicide include:

  • Depression and other mental disorders, or a substance-abuse disorder (often in combination with other mental disorders). More than 90 percent of people who die by suicide have these risk factors.
  • Prior suicide attempt
  • Family history of mental disorder or substance abuse
  • Family history of suicide
  • Family violence, including physical or sexual abuse
  • Firearms in the home, the method used in more than half of suicides incarceration
  • Exposure to the suicidal behavior of others, such as family members, peers, or media figures.

You simply cannot control who and when a person chooses to end their life.

Are you responsible for using technology in an uncivilized way? Yeah, probably! But having been one who used technology inappropriately some three years past, I can unequivocally state, the next year of life will be hell.  But hang in there, because the pain you are suffering will get better. It may not be today, tomorrow or next month, but it will get batter.

I too broke the trust of those around me. And those very events cost me dearly: lost my job, lost the love of my life, burned through all my savings. In truth, I found the following statement most profound, “Arrogant people cannot walk in unison with God or others.” It simply cannot occur.

The first year was hell and I factually state that even the best personal energy is eroded by the constant emotional toll. Expect it, but understand that torment is never forever. That first year, I constantly found myself in torrent seas, lying too wounded from the battle. While the life I so wanted was reminiscent of a ship’s hull being ripped from rocks below, I found myself slowly sinking, swallowed by the darkened sea, as a sacrifice to Neptune’s grip.

William Blake stated there is a moment in each day that Satan cannot find.  To both of you, find those moments and live your love in that moment where there is none other but you and your love.  Search for that, grasp it and live there. And while each of you may be seized against the odds, against time, pressure and separation … there are moments in you where you can find peace. Catch them and make them your own.

Expect not to be forgiven. You can and should request grace, but many will not honor your repentance. It happened to me and I suspect the same will happen to you. But in the broader sense, there are things we all can do. Each of us has a kinetic power to be kind and compassionate, ensuring our actions don’t detrimentally hurt another. All of us, including me, have made mistakes. But both of you can strive to be of service, be mindful in understanding, showing kindness, honesty and humility. These are the worthy human values all of us should be proud to acquire. And each of you can become contributors to a greater good.

Nearly three years later, I am a survivor. I survived both my own inhumanity and that of the world around me. And while I lost my career and soul mate, the death of our hopes in one led me to live out those hopes via another.

Hang in there … and in the end the pain will ease. As for me, I will continue to be your supporter to the greater good.



Categories: Life Lessons

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: