Through my walks in the forests near Canada and upon the beaches of San Francisco I came to understand my level of brokenness. There, in the darkness of sunset, I physically walked alone, no friend, no lover, no Good Samaritan. Looking back, I can actually see the footprints of a greater being in the sand where each personal burden, pain and disappointment  where removed. Only by a greater grace was I finally able to accept my failures, my false securities and safety. I cut loose the inner armor and begun to stand.

In Buddhism, I mourned many losses in my life. Even now, each time I relive the deep and painful loss of the love of my life and all the other memories, I re-experienced them, but each day I felt their absence in a new way. And each time I cry, they die and something anew emerges. I connect with a more profound sense of compassion and love. I feel the Christian form love and God’s grace.

I realize I am part of a greater family. And as I shred my former self, I am moving from communion to a larger ministry.  Still, I know my past with each of the people offended has been difficult. And certainly, while I am forgiven by some, I learning only too well that I can hardly expect to be forgiven individually for the harm I caused.

Moving forward, I have re-embraced myself and my faith. I have been summoned from the “wilderness.” I will help develop a leadership network that helps to connect each other and others involved in the battle for healthcare and human rights in this country.